Letting Go
by OnlytheForce
Summary: The Exile struggles to accept Atton's death. Exile


**Title:** Letting Go  
**Genre:** Drama  
**Summary:** The Exile struggles to accept Atton's death. Exile&Atton  
**Authors Note:** I've twisted some things a bit, because KotOR II leaves so much out that there is a lot of speculation. I wrote this before I finished KotOR II, so that's why is seems a bit inaccurate to the timing of the real events, but I did my best

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Her voice echo's through this cold place and my blood boils.

"Kill the fool," She commands, turning without another word through the doors beyond. I have no time to register what she has said, but realize she can only mean you. I turn, in horror as you raise your blaster, you are cut down by a most fearsome being. Your body goes limp and you scream in pain. I fear for you, but I can feel a weak connection to you through the force. You are alive, for now.

My emotions suddenly take over and I am lost in my furry. I strike your attacker down in one swift strike, and move to your side.

I want to scream at you for not listening to me, for leaving the others and following me. I should have known better, but you always where unpredictable, you hid your intentions well, but as I see your face my anger leaves me. I see you are in pain, you are obviously delirious, you can barely keep your eyes open. Your face is mangled with pain. Blood and dust stain your face. I look into your brown eyes, you look up at me and I strangle a whimper.

Their is no emotion, their is peace

"Your alive... Did I... Save you yet?" You say, though I mask my feelings, you know. You always know. "That bad eh?" You chuckle weakly. How you can laugh at a time like this, I don't quite understand, but you always where a mystery Atton.

"Just hang in there, okay? Everythings going to be fine." I say, my voice is steady, I empty it of emotion, but once again, my expression is grave. You give a look that tells me you know I am simply saying these words to convince myself. You know your destiny is upon you, and I cannot stop that.

"I can still save you." I say, this time my voice quavers and I choke back my tears. It hurts to control my emotions in times like these.

"Always was ugly..." You pause and I know you must be in terrible pain, but I'm hanging on your every word now, trying to keep you alive through the weak bond that we had established. "now the outside matches. Was waiting for this, but...S' not fair... let you down..." _Let me down?_ I'm confused, but I ignore your words, trying to get you to be still. I know you are weak, and I fear for you. Your chest is heaving now, trying to bring in oxygen. I want your pain to stop, it hurts me to see you like this.

"Shhh... you've lost a lot of blood." I say simply, not meeting your gaze. It hurts too much to look at you now, to see the pain in your eyes. You ignore my words, as you always do.

"was s'posed to save you. S' tired of living anyway... too many deaths... " You struggle to get your words out, suddenly your voice softens to an unusually gentle tone. t frightens me, Atton. I think I might be losing you, but you continue. "never told you... lied to you..." You finish and your voice returns to a pain stricken struggle for words.

"You did, Atton. You fought bravely," I pause, now meeting your gaze, I want to look away, but I cannot. "and I could not ask for a greater sacrifice."

You look away from me now, humiliated. You know you are dying, as do I.

"I don't want you to see me like this. I don't want to die in front of you. Can't bear it." You say. You always where one to hide your emotion, to push people away. To push me away. You're voice changes to that horrifying gentle again, and your expression changes. It seems your words come easier, and you are not in as much pain.

"Loved you from the moment I first saw you, thought you were a dream...meant every word... tried to play it off as a joke..."You pause to swallow the blood that is creeping up your throat. "wasn't funny..." You finish in little more than a whisper.

"If you're trying to get rid of me, it's not working." I say laughing and, and fighting the tears more desperately now.

You laugh at my words, but your face shows your pain again. "Hurts when I laugh. Hurts...You... saved me... joke's on me.." You let out a low raspy cough and continue. "Hurts when I laugh... Hurts..." Your voice fades, and I know you are gone.

My pain is beyond anything I have felt since my exile. The good Jedi in me tells me to suppress it. To accept my emotions, then let them go. My anger shoots up in a tidal wave now. I no longer feel like the good little Jedi. I have let the force guide me down this path, staying true to the light, bringing you with me. But now, you have left me alone. I am feel anger, hate and fear. I feel love, and the loss. I am truly suffering. I feel a bitterness towards you for leaving me here.

How could you leave me here?

Why couldn't I tell you? I knew you only had a few precious moments left in you, why was I, even up to this point, still denying my love for you. You died for me Atton, and as I sit here and think, I wonder if I would have done the same for you. _He died for a reason_. I was wasting time. The time he had given me.

I'm not ready to leave you, I'm not ready to say goodbye. I stroke your bloody matted hair, your cold body still in my arms. I feel more burning tears come to my eyes and I feel them roll down my face. I've wasted enough time here. I look at your once handsome face, now bloody and torn. You are broken, as am I. I slowly lean down and touch your forehead to my mouth.

I cannot let your sacrifice go in vein. I have to keep moving. You died for the purpose of saving me, for saving the others. I breath in my emotion, embrace it, accept my feelings, my hate, my anger and my love. And with one exhale, I feel them all leave, and there is nothing but the force.

I see the door that I know very well will hold my destiny beyond it. Lightsaber in hand, I make my way towards it, knowing what must be done, letting the force guide me, and hoping, that your sacrifice was not in vein. I cannot let it be in vein.

There is no death, there is only the Force

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I know, it wasn't the best story ever, but it is my first. Please Review and tell me what you think.


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